Short note today. Went to bed late last night. Was really tired this morning. Must try and get back on a regular schedule.
Got lots accomplished around the house though.
Had to teach the son a lesson today. Last night I asked him to make sure he had his soccer stuff already for this morning. He gets a ride to school on Monday mornings with Bill. When he left, this morning, the son came in and asked if i could look for his Apex ball. Then around 1:45 in the afternoon, the phone rings for the second time. I get up and it's the son. I'm thinking somethings wrong because he's calling me during school hours. So I pick up and say "Hello" - nothing on the other end. Well there's something, but no voice. All I hear is background noise. So now I think maybe he accidentally dialed home. After about 30 seconds I barely hear "check your messages" . So now I'm thinking maybe he's not going to soccer and wants to make sure I don't waste my time coming to get him. So I run and get my phone. I mean I try and find my phone, but I haven't had it for 4 days so I have no idea where it is. I think it's in my purse, but I haven't used my purse for 4 days. Did I mention I was sleeping when he phoned because I was tired from not going to bed early. So now I'm getting a little annoyed. So I finally find my purse in the furnace room, behind the chair used for the computer. Yup there it is. But wait, it hasn't been used for 4 days and it's turned on. Low batteries. So I run it upstairs and plug it in. Then I proceed to the text messages, and it reads............. "Could you bring my black headband with you. It's in my red soccer pack in my room." yup wanted to strangle him. But being the good mother that I am (or as he likes to say "whipped") I open his bedroom door, scan the room for a red bag, don't see one, shut the door, take a deep breath, and get on with the laundry. By the way, I didn't find the Apex ball either. Turns out, he left it at Apex last week, and the coach had it all along. --- a head band. He wanted a head band --- get a hair cut-------
BODY: Got over 11,000 steps today. I think most of that was from going up and down stairs doing laundry and cleaning. But then I was working at soccer with the little ones again.
MIND: Quote from Stacey Wee - "They aren't teenagers forever, and their braincells to come back; so I've been told." I think someone learned a lesson today. Too bad it wasn't the son. hahahahahahh
Early night, or so I thought
Stacey
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Day 117 - 248 Days to Go
Sunday December 6, 2009; we said goodbye to a wonderful lady today. It is the start of a new life; for mom and all of us. My life as I know it will not be the same from this day forward. I might not notice her gone every minute, but there will be times when I can't believe she gone. I want to be sad, but I smile every time I think of Mom. I can just close my eyes and see her face, hear her voice, feel her soft hands as I rubbed them so often of late. She had tiny hands, petite, soft and as fragile as they seemed, she held my hand with a strength that made me feel safe. My smile changes to tears as I type and realize I won't hold those hands again. I won't hear her voice outside my head, but I will hear her. "Stacey, you're a good girl. Take care of daddy and Bill."
It was very comforting to see all the friends and relatives at the service. Ken and Ping who have always been there for Bill, and Ken's mom who is one of the elders who I've known for a long time. John and Ray; friends who we should really see more often, but funerals seem to be our meeting place. Jeanette, Zena, Linda,...family by chance, friends by choice. It was a calming relief to have Robin and Janice there and know that everything for after the service was being taken care of. And Miss Alisa, who gave her important family time to be there. (She was brave to come without Miss Caylee.) Harris and Lynn and the girls. We've been through alot together. Ok, I'm going to stop there with the names, because I could on and on and on. That's what great memories do.
I remember a conversation I had with Mom back in July. It was when one of her doctors looked at me and said, "She's dying! And now I'm going to her tell her that in Chinese." I watched her face, her expression didn't change, but the tears slowly fell down her cheeks. The doctor left the room for a moment, and mom said "I'm not scared of dying. I just want to see Ben's wedding, then I'll go; I'll close my eyes." We cried together. And after awhile, in my usual comedic fashion, I told Mom I would be going to see a pyshic, and I'd be wanting to talk to her!" In a wide eyed expression she replied "You believe in that?" "I'll be calling on you, keeping you up to date on stuff."
I hope someone was there to greet her sole. Maybe Grandma Wong, maybe my Dad. Maybe the two little souls I lost before Ashley and Patrick.
I gave the euology today. I thought it would be easier. I did fine, until I came to the part about Mom and Dad; about their love for each other; how Mom was always taking care of Dad, but he came through when it was needed the most. He spent every night with her at the hospice since August. Every meal with her, to make sure she got enough food. I had come across some words that I read at the end. I am going to do my best to live by them for mom.
She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
BODY: I let the tears flow today. No holding back.
MIND: I let the tears flow today. No holding back!!!!!
This must be where the mind and body come together!!!
Good night Mom!
Stacey
It was very comforting to see all the friends and relatives at the service. Ken and Ping who have always been there for Bill, and Ken's mom who is one of the elders who I've known for a long time. John and Ray; friends who we should really see more often, but funerals seem to be our meeting place. Jeanette, Zena, Linda,...family by chance, friends by choice. It was a calming relief to have Robin and Janice there and know that everything for after the service was being taken care of. And Miss Alisa, who gave her important family time to be there. (She was brave to come without Miss Caylee.) Harris and Lynn and the girls. We've been through alot together. Ok, I'm going to stop there with the names, because I could on and on and on. That's what great memories do.
I remember a conversation I had with Mom back in July. It was when one of her doctors looked at me and said, "She's dying! And now I'm going to her tell her that in Chinese." I watched her face, her expression didn't change, but the tears slowly fell down her cheeks. The doctor left the room for a moment, and mom said "I'm not scared of dying. I just want to see Ben's wedding, then I'll go; I'll close my eyes." We cried together. And after awhile, in my usual comedic fashion, I told Mom I would be going to see a pyshic, and I'd be wanting to talk to her!" In a wide eyed expression she replied "You believe in that?" "I'll be calling on you, keeping you up to date on stuff."
I hope someone was there to greet her sole. Maybe Grandma Wong, maybe my Dad. Maybe the two little souls I lost before Ashley and Patrick.
I gave the euology today. I thought it would be easier. I did fine, until I came to the part about Mom and Dad; about their love for each other; how Mom was always taking care of Dad, but he came through when it was needed the most. He spent every night with her at the hospice since August. Every meal with her, to make sure she got enough food. I had come across some words that I read at the end. I am going to do my best to live by them for mom.
She is Gone
You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
BODY: I let the tears flow today. No holding back.
MIND: I let the tears flow today. No holding back!!!!!
This must be where the mind and body come together!!!
Good night Mom!
Stacey
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Day 116 - 249 Days to Go
I'm not quite sure how to describe today. The atmosphere had a saddness to it, but being with friends and family helped to remove some of the sadness. We had mom's viewing at the funeral home. I'm sure the "employees" try and do their best, but I don't think they can capture a person's personality from a picture. Nothing about Mom, looked like mom. The gentleman did warn us that they had to use extra make-up as Mom was quite jaundice and swollen when she was brought it. The person laying in the casket could have been someone off the street. Thats how unrecognizable she was. I realize having an open casket is a tradition and it allows us to say good bye. I'm glad I was able to go to a peaceful place with Mom before she passed away. There were lovely bouqets of flowers surrounding her. They will be placed with Mom tomorrow when she is buried. It was nice to visit with some of the mourners and do some reminicing. Tomorrow will be a sad day, but I know Mom has already started her new journey and she'll be watching down on us, so proud!!!!!
I hope my euology tomorrow does justice to her spirit.
BODY: Not one of my better body moments, but the rye and coke brought me some calmness and memories of my childhood. (not that I was a drinker at a young age, but I can remember loving to smell Mom or Dad's glass when they had a rye and coke at a family gathering.)
MIND: Louise Hay "The gateways to wisdom and learning are always open, and I?m choosing to walk through them."
Late night again, but hopefully I can sleep tonight
Night
Stacey
I hope my euology tomorrow does justice to her spirit.
BODY: Not one of my better body moments, but the rye and coke brought me some calmness and memories of my childhood. (not that I was a drinker at a young age, but I can remember loving to smell Mom or Dad's glass when they had a rye and coke at a family gathering.)
MIND: Louise Hay "The gateways to wisdom and learning are always open, and I?m choosing to walk through them."
Late night again, but hopefully I can sleep tonight
Night
Stacey
Friday, December 4, 2009
Day 115 - 250 Days to Go
I'm not sure how this is possibe, but today seemed to go by so fast, and yet it was such a long day!!!
I didn't venture out of the house today (oops, ok once) The son needed a ride home from the C-Train station as he had waited 20 mintues and no bus had shown up.
I pitter pattered most of the day. Putting a few things here and putting a few things there.
I've finished the Eulogy for Mom. I think this is draft number 5.
Received some warm emails and a few calls from family. Support at times like this is so appreciated. Bill's office sent a beautiful floral arrangement. Only that company would send out a poor delivery person in one of the city's worst storms this year. But it was greatly appreciated as well.
Short entry today.
BODY: Doesn't really feel attached right now. And that's ok, it's preparing itself for a couple of busy and emotional days.
MIND: It's 12:14 am and I'l still awake; no nap today, but sleep just doesn't seem to want to come. This little "song" is from one of my favorite movies of all time. "White Christmas" with Bing Crosby and he sings this song. "If you're worried, and you can't sleep. Just count your blessings instead of sheep. And you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings."
Good Night
Stacey
I didn't venture out of the house today (oops, ok once) The son needed a ride home from the C-Train station as he had waited 20 mintues and no bus had shown up.
I pitter pattered most of the day. Putting a few things here and putting a few things there.
I've finished the Eulogy for Mom. I think this is draft number 5.
Received some warm emails and a few calls from family. Support at times like this is so appreciated. Bill's office sent a beautiful floral arrangement. Only that company would send out a poor delivery person in one of the city's worst storms this year. But it was greatly appreciated as well.
Short entry today.
BODY: Doesn't really feel attached right now. And that's ok, it's preparing itself for a couple of busy and emotional days.
MIND: It's 12:14 am and I'l still awake; no nap today, but sleep just doesn't seem to want to come. This little "song" is from one of my favorite movies of all time. "White Christmas" with Bing Crosby and he sings this song. "If you're worried, and you can't sleep. Just count your blessings instead of sheep. And you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings."
Good Night
Stacey
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Day 114 - 251 Days to Go
Today is a very sad day. I thought I would be ready for this. I thought I had prepared myself. No amount of preparation can hold back the grief and sadness that you feel. Mom Wee passes away this morning.
I missed a 7;00 phone call from Anne, as I must have been in the shower. So I carried on my way to work at the pre-school. After school, I had planned to go and visit Mom at the hospice. Bill had taken the day off work to get stuff done around the house and relax. So I called him at home to remind him I was going to visit Mom. He wasn't there so I called his cell. I asked where he was and he said the cemetery. Now my first reaction was "Why is he visiting graves today." They he told me mom passed away in the morning. I wanted to climb through my phone and hug him tight. But he was taking care of details and I'm sure not ready for emotional stuff.
There was a message from the daughter when I got home. I wasn't sure if she knew or not and didn't want to ignore her call if she was upset. So I called her and I could tell by her voice and demeanor that she wasn't aware of the circumstances. Do I tell, or do I wait. Hard call for a Mom. I asked if she was by herself or had friends around her. She was with some friends. So I told her. She took it fairly well, and we discussed some details and memories. After I hung up, I contact one of her close friends Graeme. He promised he'd find the daugher and make sure she had lots of hugs and support. About 5 mintues later, the daughter called back and wanted to know what time Grandma passes away. Her curiosity was due to the fact that she had worken up between 5 and 5:30 am for no apparent reason, and couldn't figure out why. She didn't have to be up for another three hours. Not a common thing for her to do. I waited until Bill got home and found out the time of Mom's death. it was 5:00ish am. Grandma would leave without saying good by to Ashley.
Bill and I had a good cuddle and cry on the bed. This is one fo the few times, he let me cuddle him. He's hurting. His mom meant everything to him. They had a special bond - not better than any of the other kids, but different.
We decided to let the son finish out his day at school, as there was a lock down, and it wasn't appropriate to give him that information when he couldn't remove himself from a situation. So we waited until he got home. He was sad, but too handled it well. I think we all knew it was coming, it just doesn't feel any less sad when it does.
I dropped the son off at soccer tonight. Best he have something to occupy his mind and met Bill and the rest of the family over at Anne's. We talked about more details, did what we could and then came home.
Each day will get easier to move on, but not easier to forget.
BODY: Took a couple of ativan's this afternoon and had a short nap to be sure I was alert and in some sort of shape to help if needed.
MIND: I have asked to present a tribute to Mom. I worked on some of it tonight. Hopefully I will bring a worthy tribute to a wonderful lady.
Good night and be sure to count your blessings.
Stacey
I missed a 7;00 phone call from Anne, as I must have been in the shower. So I carried on my way to work at the pre-school. After school, I had planned to go and visit Mom at the hospice. Bill had taken the day off work to get stuff done around the house and relax. So I called him at home to remind him I was going to visit Mom. He wasn't there so I called his cell. I asked where he was and he said the cemetery. Now my first reaction was "Why is he visiting graves today." They he told me mom passed away in the morning. I wanted to climb through my phone and hug him tight. But he was taking care of details and I'm sure not ready for emotional stuff.
There was a message from the daughter when I got home. I wasn't sure if she knew or not and didn't want to ignore her call if she was upset. So I called her and I could tell by her voice and demeanor that she wasn't aware of the circumstances. Do I tell, or do I wait. Hard call for a Mom. I asked if she was by herself or had friends around her. She was with some friends. So I told her. She took it fairly well, and we discussed some details and memories. After I hung up, I contact one of her close friends Graeme. He promised he'd find the daugher and make sure she had lots of hugs and support. About 5 mintues later, the daughter called back and wanted to know what time Grandma passes away. Her curiosity was due to the fact that she had worken up between 5 and 5:30 am for no apparent reason, and couldn't figure out why. She didn't have to be up for another three hours. Not a common thing for her to do. I waited until Bill got home and found out the time of Mom's death. it was 5:00ish am. Grandma would leave without saying good by to Ashley.
Bill and I had a good cuddle and cry on the bed. This is one fo the few times, he let me cuddle him. He's hurting. His mom meant everything to him. They had a special bond - not better than any of the other kids, but different.
We decided to let the son finish out his day at school, as there was a lock down, and it wasn't appropriate to give him that information when he couldn't remove himself from a situation. So we waited until he got home. He was sad, but too handled it well. I think we all knew it was coming, it just doesn't feel any less sad when it does.
I dropped the son off at soccer tonight. Best he have something to occupy his mind and met Bill and the rest of the family over at Anne's. We talked about more details, did what we could and then came home.
Each day will get easier to move on, but not easier to forget.
BODY: Took a couple of ativan's this afternoon and had a short nap to be sure I was alert and in some sort of shape to help if needed.
MIND: I have asked to present a tribute to Mom. I worked on some of it tonight. Hopefully I will bring a worthy tribute to a wonderful lady.
Good night and be sure to count your blessings.
Stacey
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Day 113 - 252 Days to Go
Finally a day to sleep in. If 8:30 counts as sleeping in, then that's what I did. Lots to get done today, and a lot was gotten done.
Worked on the kitchen mostly. Dusting here and there and the liquor cabinet. Also got the frame of the bed put together. And tonight we finally got the entire bed moved back into our room. Nice to finally have the zen room back to it's peaceful zen!!! (it's still a little clogged with dust, but that will be dealt with soon.
Overall not a very eventful day. The son went to the gym, so picked him up, and came home for soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Just one of those needing something warm, small, but filling. Went lookin for the son after supper. Turns out he fell asleep on his bed. Tried to wake him up, but even in his sleep he argues. When I asked him when he was getting up, he informed me when Jane got over. That was a little confusing, so I prodded him with a few more questions (keep in mind his eyes were open, so I thought he was awake) I asked him when he talked to Jane and his answer was "Mass acceleration." Now I was really confused. So I asked if Jane was helping him study. He just kept saying "never mind, never mind." Boy, talk about a grouchy sleep talker.
BODY: Over 13,000 steps today. Must have been all that running up and down stairs.
MIND: Louise Hay "If we want more life, then we have only to give. Love is, and I am!
Work in the morning, so I won't be long out of bed (back in a real bed)
NIGHT
STacey
Worked on the kitchen mostly. Dusting here and there and the liquor cabinet. Also got the frame of the bed put together. And tonight we finally got the entire bed moved back into our room. Nice to finally have the zen room back to it's peaceful zen!!! (it's still a little clogged with dust, but that will be dealt with soon.
Overall not a very eventful day. The son went to the gym, so picked him up, and came home for soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Just one of those needing something warm, small, but filling. Went lookin for the son after supper. Turns out he fell asleep on his bed. Tried to wake him up, but even in his sleep he argues. When I asked him when he was getting up, he informed me when Jane got over. That was a little confusing, so I prodded him with a few more questions (keep in mind his eyes were open, so I thought he was awake) I asked him when he talked to Jane and his answer was "Mass acceleration." Now I was really confused. So I asked if Jane was helping him study. He just kept saying "never mind, never mind." Boy, talk about a grouchy sleep talker.
BODY: Over 13,000 steps today. Must have been all that running up and down stairs.
MIND: Louise Hay "If we want more life, then we have only to give. Love is, and I am!
Work in the morning, so I won't be long out of bed (back in a real bed)
NIGHT
STacey
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Day 112 - 253 Days to Go
Where to start, where to start. Firstly, if you have to pee, you may want to do that before you read this blog.
Well today was my first day of the new job at the preschool. I was a little excited; not really nervous, but ready to start. Because I don't have to be to work until 8:30, I'm able to drive the son to school on my way. So I dropped him off and figured I'd make it to work with extra time to spare. Not the case in winter, but I wasn't late. The sidewalk to the school was a little snowy, so to make a good impression, I shovelled the snow in front of the door first (don't tell Bill, cause there is still snow sitting in front of one of the garage doors at home). So, I walked into the school only to be met by the teacher and the church pastor. As I am making introductions, I remove my coat and books and slip into my indoor shoes. We converse a couple of mintues more and then the teacher and I head to the classroom. Well I'm not sure if I ever told people about the son's first day of school for grade 10. Anyway, he had new clothes and new hair do and I was hoping to drive him to school, but he got dressed and ready downstairs, put on his coat and went the waiting car of a friend's Dad. When he came home from school, I happen to notice that his sweather vest was on inside out. Not one person told him during the day; in fact he had his school picture taken that day, and you can see the tag from his sweater on the outside. Well lets just say I pulled a "son thing." Yup, my sweater vest was on inside out. Nobody at school noticed or at least didn't let me in on the secret. Thank goodnes I noticed it before the kids showed up. So that was the beginning of an interesting morning. The next incident didn't happen until after snack time. I had been rinsing a few things in the kitchen, and when I returned to the classroom, a disturbing (also know as a turding) odor greeted my nose. Now at my old job, if you smelled anything, it was yours for the discover. Well at this job, it's basically my job. The teacher found the source of the aroma, and I led the young three year old, who is potty trained into the bathroom. The only thing worse than chaning a poopy diaper, is changing poopy underwear. She needed to be washed down from her toes to her back. Now this little girl has never had an accident before (says the teacher) so everyone was surprised. She is also one of the little girls that is just learning english. Well I taught her a new word and sign "Pee, yu" and plugging our nose. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst - it was a gagger.....beyond ten.
So that's pretty much how my first day of work went. Despite the humourous (only now are they humourous) incidents, I loved the day and look forward to Thursday.
BODY: As of 20 mintues ago (it's now 8:54) I had over 12,000 steps on my pedometer. I would have more, but I needed to remove my sock (which has the pedometer attached) as I step in a little Maya mess. Don't be hard on Maya, though, we keep moving her bathroom box as we are cleaning and organizing. She's getting a little confused. She only peed where her box had been.
MIND: I feel pretty good about being able to laugh at the myself, and the day. There was a time in my life, where this would have put me in a fowl mood. My thanks to Louise Hay, The Secret and great friends who take me for me...
Early Night (might have the bed back in place by tomorrow)
Oh yeah, and happy birthday to my hubby! Next year is the big 5 - 0
Night
Stacey
Well today was my first day of the new job at the preschool. I was a little excited; not really nervous, but ready to start. Because I don't have to be to work until 8:30, I'm able to drive the son to school on my way. So I dropped him off and figured I'd make it to work with extra time to spare. Not the case in winter, but I wasn't late. The sidewalk to the school was a little snowy, so to make a good impression, I shovelled the snow in front of the door first (don't tell Bill, cause there is still snow sitting in front of one of the garage doors at home). So, I walked into the school only to be met by the teacher and the church pastor. As I am making introductions, I remove my coat and books and slip into my indoor shoes. We converse a couple of mintues more and then the teacher and I head to the classroom. Well I'm not sure if I ever told people about the son's first day of school for grade 10. Anyway, he had new clothes and new hair do and I was hoping to drive him to school, but he got dressed and ready downstairs, put on his coat and went the waiting car of a friend's Dad. When he came home from school, I happen to notice that his sweather vest was on inside out. Not one person told him during the day; in fact he had his school picture taken that day, and you can see the tag from his sweater on the outside. Well lets just say I pulled a "son thing." Yup, my sweater vest was on inside out. Nobody at school noticed or at least didn't let me in on the secret. Thank goodnes I noticed it before the kids showed up. So that was the beginning of an interesting morning. The next incident didn't happen until after snack time. I had been rinsing a few things in the kitchen, and when I returned to the classroom, a disturbing (also know as a turding) odor greeted my nose. Now at my old job, if you smelled anything, it was yours for the discover. Well at this job, it's basically my job. The teacher found the source of the aroma, and I led the young three year old, who is potty trained into the bathroom. The only thing worse than chaning a poopy diaper, is changing poopy underwear. She needed to be washed down from her toes to her back. Now this little girl has never had an accident before (says the teacher) so everyone was surprised. She is also one of the little girls that is just learning english. Well I taught her a new word and sign "Pee, yu" and plugging our nose. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst - it was a gagger.....beyond ten.
So that's pretty much how my first day of work went. Despite the humourous (only now are they humourous) incidents, I loved the day and look forward to Thursday.
BODY: As of 20 mintues ago (it's now 8:54) I had over 12,000 steps on my pedometer. I would have more, but I needed to remove my sock (which has the pedometer attached) as I step in a little Maya mess. Don't be hard on Maya, though, we keep moving her bathroom box as we are cleaning and organizing. She's getting a little confused. She only peed where her box had been.
MIND: I feel pretty good about being able to laugh at the myself, and the day. There was a time in my life, where this would have put me in a fowl mood. My thanks to Louise Hay, The Secret and great friends who take me for me...
Early Night (might have the bed back in place by tomorrow)
Oh yeah, and happy birthday to my hubby! Next year is the big 5 - 0
Night
Stacey
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