Today is a very sad day. I thought I would be ready for this. I thought I had prepared myself. No amount of preparation can hold back the grief and sadness that you feel. Mom Wee passes away this morning.
I missed a 7;00 phone call from Anne, as I must have been in the shower. So I carried on my way to work at the pre-school. After school, I had planned to go and visit Mom at the hospice. Bill had taken the day off work to get stuff done around the house and relax. So I called him at home to remind him I was going to visit Mom. He wasn't there so I called his cell. I asked where he was and he said the cemetery. Now my first reaction was "Why is he visiting graves today." They he told me mom passed away in the morning. I wanted to climb through my phone and hug him tight. But he was taking care of details and I'm sure not ready for emotional stuff.
There was a message from the daughter when I got home. I wasn't sure if she knew or not and didn't want to ignore her call if she was upset. So I called her and I could tell by her voice and demeanor that she wasn't aware of the circumstances. Do I tell, or do I wait. Hard call for a Mom. I asked if she was by herself or had friends around her. She was with some friends. So I told her. She took it fairly well, and we discussed some details and memories. After I hung up, I contact one of her close friends Graeme. He promised he'd find the daugher and make sure she had lots of hugs and support. About 5 mintues later, the daughter called back and wanted to know what time Grandma passes away. Her curiosity was due to the fact that she had worken up between 5 and 5:30 am for no apparent reason, and couldn't figure out why. She didn't have to be up for another three hours. Not a common thing for her to do. I waited until Bill got home and found out the time of Mom's death. it was 5:00ish am. Grandma would leave without saying good by to Ashley.
Bill and I had a good cuddle and cry on the bed. This is one fo the few times, he let me cuddle him. He's hurting. His mom meant everything to him. They had a special bond - not better than any of the other kids, but different.
We decided to let the son finish out his day at school, as there was a lock down, and it wasn't appropriate to give him that information when he couldn't remove himself from a situation. So we waited until he got home. He was sad, but too handled it well. I think we all knew it was coming, it just doesn't feel any less sad when it does.
I dropped the son off at soccer tonight. Best he have something to occupy his mind and met Bill and the rest of the family over at Anne's. We talked about more details, did what we could and then came home.
Each day will get easier to move on, but not easier to forget.
BODY: Took a couple of ativan's this afternoon and had a short nap to be sure I was alert and in some sort of shape to help if needed.
MIND: I have asked to present a tribute to Mom. I worked on some of it tonight. Hopefully I will bring a worthy tribute to a wonderful lady.
Good night and be sure to count your blessings.
Stacey
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