First, please read the below article:
CBN.com – Today’s society has lost a huge part of its compassion. The world of media brings loss, pain, and tragedy into our lives at an overwhelming rate. As a people, we’ve become desensitized to the core values we were taught as children.
Baby Boomers were raised by parents or loved ones who believed in the validity of a handshake and the importance of treating others as they themselves expected to be treated. The golden rule we learned as children, carried meaning to our parents and grandparents. They held tight to work ethic, honesty, integrity, faith, and dignity.
As our parents age, they are faced with the realization and loss of these basic staples of life. It’s a painful process when they must accept the inability to stand alone, loss of their independence or worse, the need to depend on someone else to do what they value as important.
When patience runs low or feeling of deep frustration strike, step back and reflect on the dignity that is owed to aging parents. Keep in mind what is hard for us as children is tenfold for our parents. The aging process brings with it seasons of joy, but it also carries fear and loss of personal worth. The “what if’s” of life become vivid reality and the aging parent find themselves torn between dependence and independence.
Learning the process of aging takes time. It requires family involvement; children and siblings must find ways to explore the changing needs of our seniors in order to make the transition of seasons smooth and less stressful.
As parents age, our own sense of reality is affected. The parents who willingly helped us along the way, suddenly require our help. Tasks that were once easy for them become labored or fall to the wayside, and we’re taken back by their loss…our loss.
Preparation and education are necessary evils no one wants to face. But following these reminders will help family members reserve the dignity of their elderly.
Repetition is not uncommon. Remember as parents grow older and begin to repeat questions, there was a time when we, as children, constantly asked “Why?” Keep in mind the patience our parents exemplified in teaching us and exercise that same diligence with them.
When they can’t seem to recall your name, remember there was a time when the only name we could repeat, was theirs. “Momma, Daddy.” When their movements are slow and tedious, keep in mind, it was their loving hands which steadied us as we toddled. If a meal ends up on their clothes instead of in their mouths, don’t forget who patiently taught us to feed ourselves and then gently swiped the goo from our fingers.
As our parents continue to grow older and personal cleanliness becomes a problem, it was they who walked us through potty training and who bathed the mud from our childhood antics, then re-cleaned the tub for the ump-teenth time. And when they lose their confidence after a fall, remember the numerous times they held us close after a tumble, then encouraged us to forge ahead. It was our parents who cheered us through the rough times as a child and who allowed us to lean against them as adults.
When the frustration of the added “stuff”—walkers, canes, or wheelchairs which have to be lugged out the door and to the car just to take them to the post office, remember the diaper bags, the bottles, the extra clothes, snacks, and “stuff” they toted off their shoulder, while you rested on their hip, legs dangling, and arms squeezing their necks. It was a chore then and it’s still a chore, but worth the effort—worth the love.
And most of all, when they meet with the fears of forgetfulness and the anxieties of being in unfamiliar surroundings, remember how they stood in the background, just in view, encouraging you to step forward, “You can do it!”
Finally, when the reality they cannot be left alone digs deep into their hearts, remember they never left us alone, afraid, or ignored us as small children, but they kept us close at hand, always watching, always present…always there.
When the roles reverse, remember to love and treat our aging seniors with dignity and honor—for without them, we would be nothing. Scripture instructs us to “Honor your father and mother." This is the first commandment with a promise: 3 If you honor your father and mother, "things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth." (Eph. 6:2-3, NLT). Our obedience to this commandment comes with a promise that things may go well for us when we do so. Preserving the dignity of our seniors as they succumb to aging is the most important thing, we as children can offer our parents. After all, everything we learned…we learned from our parents. If for nothing else, they have earned the right.
Ok, I get this article and I totally agree with it. But no where could I find any information on how to deal with a rude or disrepectful parent. Lets just leave my friend out of it this time, and get to the point. I am talking about my Mom. I understand she is probably experiencing that is stated in the article. I get that she probably even has to deal with some rude people herself where she lives. I get that she may resent not being able to do things she used to be able to do. The article talks about how our parents looked after us when we were little. Would they have put up with rude and disrespectful behaviour? Does gettting old give people the right to treat other people in nasty ways. Now if I were dealing with one of my children, I certainly would never (and did never) let them talk to people that way. But they were young - they hadn't earned the right? In the same breath, I as my mother's daughter, do not want to lecture my mom on her negative attitude. Or as my Mother's daughter - should I. Should I be the one to mention to her that she is becoming "like mother's before her." Does she even realize she is being like this? I don't know! Here is an example. (just one of many) I was visiting with my mom yesterday at the Manor's garage sale. A lady walked by and mom explained how this lady must have got up on the wrong side of the bed, because she said the garage sale was going to be cancelled because of the rain. Mom in turn told her, "Oh I don't think it is!" I honestly sat with my mom agape - not from the comment so much as, that mom didn't realize that maybe she was the one that got up on the wrong side of the bed. K, that wasn't a very good example. Let's try this one: When I arrived at the manor yesterday morning, Mom was not in her room. But her room mate was. So we started talking and in walks my mom with her walker and two items she had purchased at the garage sale. The first was a picnic basket (that looked like it had been through world war I) - but I kept that thought to myself. We asked Mom what she had. She said a picnic basket for either me or Tracey. I told her that Tracey could have it as I didn't need one (maybe my mistake). And secondly she had a box with 3 cats in it. (we couldn't see the cats because the picnic box was sitting on them.) Now what would be the first thing you would ask? ..................... Well Mom's room mate asked "What kind of cats?" And before I could ask the same question, Mom answered "Well they're not real, do you think I would put a picnic basket on top if they were real!" - now repeat that last sentence with a snarky voice. I said Mom, it could have been stuffed cats (cause that's what I would have thought) - "Well they're not!" Well pore Bev - she smiled at me and hightailed it back into her room. Now I have tried to understand Mom's moods - attitudes - off days; but when and should I have spoken up.
I'm at a loss. I should phone her today, because I do every day, but I am having a hard time doing so. I'm not sure if I can bite my tongue. Having said that, chances are Mom might have forgotten the entire situation - or in realilty, didn't even know there was a situation. Maybe it's time someone wrote a book on the best approach. We have resource books for kids with all sorts of disablilities, and issues. I'd write the book myself, but I don't have the solution, only the problem. But I will search my Google and the library and see what I can find. Maybe I need to send a quick note to Dr. Phil - bet he hasn't dealt with this problem on his show. Then again, maybe there is no problem and I just need to close my eyes or better yet, shut my ears. And people wonder my I think 65 is a good age to find other alternatives.
Back to laundry and cleaning.
Stacey
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