domineering [ˌdɒmɪˈnɪərɪŋ]
adj
acting with or showing arrogance or tyranny;
Yes that is the word of the day! According to a father of a young man in our class, that is what I am! At first I was in shock: (because I just finished telling the teacher that the dad really did seem sincere and loves his son) Then I found it humorus; (because I've tried to convince my own kids that I can be very mean and domineering, but they say I not very good at it) Then I was hurt and doubtful (maybe I said something to this boy that was hurtful) Then I was angry (because I played over in my head the events of the day, and realised this "Dad" expects no responsibility from his son.)
First the back ground:
1st: Dad doesn't usually drop off or pick up son; Grandpa does.
2nd: Mom and Dad are going through an ugly custody battle and Mom gets kids on the weekend
3rd: Since I have worked there in November, there has never been a parent/grandparent volunteer in the class
4th: Student sometimes comes to class with no snack or the empty bag from last class.
As I recollect the events, here what plays out.
The class had started this morning and during playtime one of the young boys asked me to take him to the washroom; Most of the kids are independant in the washroom and this boy was one of them; so I usually stand outside the bathroom door; in the boys bathroom there is a toilet stall and a urinal. The child I brought to the bathroom wanted to go into the stall and the "child" in discussion was already in the urinal stall. The door to the stall was locked; I asked the "child" if he had been in there and locked it (it's a type of behaviour he's capable of) He said no, he was using the urinal; at the same time, he said he didn't have to pee. I wasn't sure if he did or didn't but dad was at the end of the hall so I wasn't going to quetion whether he did or not. I did ask him if he knew how to unlock the stall. He said yes and I asked him if he would. So he climbed under the stall, unlocked it and opened the door. I thanked him and as he started to walk out of the bathroom, I asked him to wash his hands - and he did. He ran down the hall, Dad scooped him up (a very tall Dad), gave him a big kiss on the cheek and walked out of the building without a look or acknowledgement whatsoever.
The second possible incident happened when the Dad returned to pick up his son. The grandfather phoned and said the Dad was late; stuck in traffic. So the young boy didn't want to read any more books, so the teacher told him he could play with a toy, but had to promise to pick the toy up when Dad got there. (he's not a big cleaner upper) So I sat with the boy while he played with the beads (dumped all on the table) Pretty soon he hears his Dad come down the hall; he runs to greet him, but the teacher reminds him of his promise. So I'm sitting there and I ask if he would like some help putting the beads away. He doesn't answer; so I ask again and he nods; I try and get him to use his words and he does. He puts away half of the beads and starts to leave; I call him back and say we're not finished - Dad calls him to the door. The teacher follows them out and that is when the comment was made.
Having typed this entire scenario out; I have to ask myself - could I have done anything different? Probably lots - let him not wash his hands; maybe not assume he had locked the door (I still think he might have done that); not offered my help to clean up the beads; not made him use his words; maybe to have even let him just run out the door when he wanted to: Hmmm - I'll have to take awhile to think on that one. He really is a good kid, but needs direction and some positive attention (to offset all the negative he gets elsewhere) I would love to sit down with the Dad and find out his rational, but I think he's probably coming from some negative place and no matter what I would have said or done, would have been wrong. All I can hope is that little boy doesn't lose out on what he needs. When he starts kindergarden next year, he is either going to end up being bullied or being the bully!!!!!
I guess I've used up quite a bit of space. Won't go into the Carlton job today; or the fact that there is a snow warning here on the 27th of May.
BODY: 10,400 steps
MIND: "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email." -- 4 year old girl, misquoting the Lord's Prayer
Good Night
Stacey
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